Another night of terrible sleep. It was a bit better than the last few nights, but I still couldn’t get to sleep and I also woke up earlier than I wanted. This lack of sleep is killing me right now. I had this cycle about a month ago. I happens, and it will pass more or less soon. It’s been stressing me out and making things worse. The fibromyalgia feels like it wants to go away, but the lack of sleep is keeping it around. I need to get some good sleep very soon. I think if I get good sleep tonight, the fibro will ease up.
I’ve definitely been in a flare for a few days. It started as a medium flare, but it’s been somewhat manageable. I’ve been upright and been able to do somethings. Not much, but better than being completely laid out like a bad flare up does to me. If I had sleep, I would have been able to beat this flare up, but that hasn’t happened. It’s always something. I walk a razor’s edge all the time, and it’s impossible to do it for a long period of time. I’ve never been able to do it for more than 4 days in a row.
I think the diet restrictions have ultimately been helping me. I used to have so many days where I could be not be upright at all. I would have maybe 5 or 6 terrible days a week. Now I’m having a lot more days where I can be upright and even do some stuff like playing video games. It’s not easy, and it hurts like hell, but I can occasionally do it. I think that’s the result of the changes to the diet. I have cut out dairy, gluten, and nightshade vegetables. They can all potentially cause inflammation in the body, which can then in turn drive a fibromyalgia flare up.
I am so sick of this grind and this stupid cycle. It takes all my energy and effort to survive these flares and put in some work to end the flare up. Then I get a couple decent days, and while I don’t feel the fibromyalgia, I do feel extreme spine pain. I try to get things done around my apartment, and maybe even play a video game or two. Then the flare up hits again and the whole cycle repeats. Never ending. I have more bad days than decent days. I have very, very few good days. I try to use the decent days to recover some mental energy, but there just aren’t enough of those days. I can’t get used to it, and I can’t get any momentum going. I end up burning mental energy just trying to overcome the inertia. I’m always on empty. I need medical intervention to fix the spine problem. I need the medical intervention to stop this horrible fucking cycle. It is pure insanity.
My headache has gotten better. It’s not gone, but I think it will be tomorrow – If I get some fucking sleep! Tomorrow will be a decent day if I do, and it will be a shit day if I don’t. Which will it be?!