Yesterday was one of the longest days of my life. Early start, then I couldn’t get to sleep, then it was a really rough night’s sleep. I was roasting all night. That’s not normal. I had a fan directly on me all night. I still woke up early too. That’s a rough way to start the day, but it was expected. Pain is better than yesterday. Thank fuck for that. That was super brutal pain yesterday. Surgical levels. I might add this to the spine surgery tally. Maybe I’ll add both halves as 1. Because god damn. That would make this 6.5 surgeries. The doctor put cortisone in after the ablation, so that should help with the inflammation, and is probably why I feel better today. At the moment I mainly feel exhausted and burned out. Yesterday was super stressful and the pain during the procedure was fairly traumatic.
You have to be awake for these things because the doctor needs patient feedback on the placement of the probes. I understand why they split it up into 2 sessions. There were 3 vertebral levels done yesterday. During the procedure, I was imagining doing 3 more levels on the other side, and it felt like it would have been too difficult. Then the recovery felt like it would have been more brutal. In retrospect I feel like I could have gotten through it. I would prefer to only make one recovery. I get to do this all over again in 6 weeks.
The other part to this is that the beneficial effects of this procedure usually only lasts 6 months to 1 year. If it works at all. I will probably be right back on that table with these probes being jammed into my back again within 6 months. I actually doubt the timing will even work out that well. I’ll probably end up waiting several months after things go tits-over-asshole for me, then get back into that OR for the procedure again. The larger point though is that I’ll have to do this every 6 months. Basically 2 spine surgeries every year. I’ll do what I have to do to survive, but it is super demoralizing thinking I’m going to have to do this regularly. The best thing I’ll have going for me is that I’ll forget about the traumatic procedure pain fairly quickly. The brain has a way of doing that. But after a few rounds of this, I will start to develop some sort of PTSD over it, and they will get more and more difficult.
Just did a church walk. Early ambulation is very important for recovery from any kind of procedures or surgeries. I don’t know why the medical center didn’t tell me this. Fortunately I already know. They have not been good in any way about communication or help getting through these difficult times. I’ve been on my own in every way. The walk felt OK. I’m still very exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for 3 hours, but my body won’t let that happen. I also want to try to take advantage of the cortisone injections. Those gave me 3 days worth of relief in the past, so even with the extra pain from the procedure, I can maybe still get a boost and get some movement in, or get a few decent days.
Did another church walk. I really felt the exhaustion on that one. I felt like each step was going to make me drop from the exhaustion. I really wish I got a nap in today, but it’s me, so that just doesn’t happen. Spine pain ramped up during the walk, so no more of that today. I need to settle in and be prepared for a long, boring evening. I can’t risk upsetting whatever delicate balance there is right now. I think I’ll sleep better tonight though. A solid night’s sleep would help tremendously.
Very long and difficult evening, as expected. I’ve had some good moments and some bad ones. Sticking with the ibuprofen and ice packs. Trying to keep myself occupied, but it’s quite difficult to get upright. If I stay on this trajectory, tomorrow will be a better day. How many times have I said that before?!