I’m not sure about today. I didn’t feel great waking up. I feel things turning for the worse as the day goes on. I don’t have it mentally, that’s for sure. I am so tired of this fucking fight. Every day I have to fight my ass off just to be able to get out of bed, to bathe, get dressed, to eat. Basic human functions everyone else takes for granted, I often can’t even manage. If I can, it feels like the amount of effort needed to run a marathon. My days are fucked right from when I wake up. My effort is totally spent just getting out of bed, but I have to get through the day. I have to drag myself somehow through the day with no energy and no ability. I have to face the day knowing I feel horrible and things will only get worse. And I have to do this every day.
Took advantage of afternoon medications and went out to the store. Got some much needed stuff. I’ve been adding things back into my diet and I haven’t noticed any changes in the fibromyalgia. Now I don’t have to freak out about not having fresh food in the house. I can’t maintain that. I can’t get to the store regularly, and I can’t do the prep and clean up. I needed to go to 2 stores, but I could only manage 1. They are even very close to each other. I have to dose out my effort that much.
I’ve been in a medium-high fibro flare all day. Slightly better than 2 days ago, but I’m still non-functional. I can’t play video games. That’s my litmus test for a decent day. This is 2 days in a row of this level of pain. 2 days ago was off the charts. I’m hoping this is finally the beginning of the recovery from that surgery. As usual, all I can do is hope. I have zero control over myself. Fun way to live.