As usual, just when I need sleep the most, I don’t get it. I’m on about 4 hours of sleep total. I was up for about 3 hours in the middle of the night, and only got 1 more hour late in the morning. There is no way to come back from this. If I’m up for an hour in the middle of the night, I will NEVER be able to save that day. I’ve had a million nights like this because of spine issues. I took sleep medications, ibuprofen, muscle relaxants. I strapped an ice pack onto my back with a velcro strap and I still couldn’t sleep. This is so fucking messed up. The day after the last procedure was a magical day, when I was lucid and felt good for parts of the day. I was very much expecting that, or at least hoping for it this time around. I might have gotten it if I were able to get some sleep. I have no clue why this happened. I passed out really fast last night and slept really well up until 3:00. All in all, just another day in the shit show that is my life.
Holy shit, what a rough day. I got about an hour of very disjointed, broken sleep. I almost feel worse for it. It’s just a tease. I woke up at 3:30 and finally brushed my teeth. I haven’t been able to do anything really. I’ve only eaten a couple of snacks today. I cracked a can of caffeine soda and I’m working through that. I never have caffeine this late, but I need something to shake this tiredness. I haven’t been able to even notice the spine pain today because of the lack of sleep. I would say that’s a good thing, but severe sleep deprivation is painful in its own way. It’s a type of pain that is so very difficult to describe, and it’s a type of pain I know all too well. When it combines with the spine pain and the fibromyalgia, it’s a perfect shit storm of pain that makes me extremely desperate and panicky. I always get my crappy sleep cycles where I can’t fall asleep at night, or I’m up for an hour in the middle of the night, or I wake up too early. These usually only last about 5-7 days. This is unique. This was just 3 hours of sleep for no real reason. Obviously the procedure has a lot to do with it, but I slept pretty normally last time.
I finally had some food. It kind of completed me. I’m still hungry, but I’m too tired to eat anything else right now. The exhaustion and tiredness is crushing me. All the pain is magnified by the lack of sleep. I have a solid 6 more hours to go until bed time. I am so sick of counting down the minutes until I can go to sleep. Ultimately today is no different than any other day. It’s just as difficult, just in a different way. If I have a similar night tonight, I have no clue how I’ll get through tomorrow. Usually when I say I need some sleep to recover, I end up not getting any.
Still rotating between sitting on ice packs and laying down. Today has been brutal. It’s getting harder every minute. It hasn’t peaked yet. I still have a few more hours until the end of the day. Still, this procedure has been better than the last one – except I got sleep after the last one and had a good day immediately after. Then on day 2, I woke up to pure horror. I guess I just skipped a step this time, but it’s not quite at the level of horrifying. But it is ramping up, so there’s still time.