I’ve been rethinking my RV approach. I’m from California, so I’m used the ability to live in an RV year round. Here in Frozen Land, you can’t stay in an RV in the winter. RV parks close. Water hoses freeze. If I move into an RV, I have to hit the road. Head someplace south for the winter. If I leave this shit hole city, then I don’t see any reason I would come back. My healthcare is here. My dad is here. I guess it all depends on what happens with these procedures. If they don’t help, my pain management doctor will tell me there’s nothing more he can do. He already told me, “If this doesn’t work, we’re screwed.” At that point, what good is health insurance to me? If there is no help for me, my only option is to waste away in an RV in some shit hole place. Even shittier than where I live now. I guess I move out to the desert somewhere and find an RV park with a cheap monthly rent. I don’t think this procedure has offered any relief. I am certainly not getting any relief of any kind right now. I’m 2-1/2 weeks post op on the second part of it. 1-1/2 months past the first half of it. The pain still feels the same as it did before I had these treatments. So I need to work under the assumption that it is a big failure, and I need to start finding a plan that lets me waste away as cheap as possible, and extend the time I have before I become completely homeless.
I don’t know what else I can do. If there is another way to get public assistance with rent, I don’t know of it, nor do I know how to get it. That would be ideal I suppose, but I don’t see any of this happening. I’m just trying to figure out how I can maximize whatever money I have left. How do I stretch that out before this makes me homeless. Never mind the thought of earning money somehow for the rest of my life. I’ve hit the point now where I can’t get through my days at all unless I use 10-12 ice packs. Without those, I can’t get out of bed. With them, I suffer like a fucking animal and barely survive my days. This actually feels like things are worse. I’m only going in the wrong direction.
I’ve been using less ice packs today. I want to see if I can get through without them anymore. The results have been pretty bad. Spine pain goes off the charts within 5 minutes. Then is starts going to my head and causing all sorts of other problems. I have some large ice packs, and I need to sit upright in order to use them. It’s very uncomfortable to lay on top of them. I can’t force myself to sit upright anymore in order to use them. I don’t have anything left to be able to simply sit myself upright. At best I barely manage to limp through my days. It takes everything I have just to survive. Imagine having to think about every breath you take all day long. You can’t breath if you don’t do it yourself. That’s what it feels like. It makes you go insane within minutes. It takes all your mental energy just to survive the day. There’s nothing left for anything else.