I’m still getting better. That started yesterday evening I think. I’m purging out the guaifenesin and whatever trash it’s trying to get rid of. I really wish I could stay on the protocol properly, but I have zero tolerance for these flare ups. I’ve spent the last 7 weeks in almost constant flare up and I’m cooked. This morning while I was trying to get myself moving, I said to myself that I was waiting for my brain to be unscrambled. There is a mental illness analogy: If you take a brand new piece of paper, that’s your brain. It’s perfect, no folds, bends, creases. Then crumple it up. That’s your brain during mental illness. When you get better, you un-crumple the paper. Smooth out all the creases. Put it on the edge of the table and smooth it out as best as you can. You can smooth it and flatten it, but you can never get those creases out. They are there forever. And the more times you crumple up that piece of paper, the less able you are to smooth it out again. You can’t unscramble an egg, you can’t put the genie back in the bottle, you can’t smooth out the paper perfectly again. These decent days are usually only about recovery. I can’t ever make progress because I’m always playing catch up. Trying to smooth out the piece of paper. If I could get a stretch of decent days longer than 5 days, then maybe I could, but that’s all I can get. The paper gets crumpled up again and again. It’s not worth trying to smooth it out anymore, but I can’t help it. It’s too painful to not try.
Slow start to the morning, but I’ve been recovering through the day. Nice decrease in the pain. That differential feels good. Now how do I continue this guaifenesin? I do think this is the only way out for me, but I can’t make it work. I’m in so much pain and right on the edge that I don’t have any tolerance to take on an increase in my symptoms. When you walk a razor’s edge, all it takes is a gust of wind to blow you over. That’s where I live. If this works, it will take a long time to get to the point where my pain is reduced enough to where I can work the protocol properly. Until then, I need to find a way to make it work. I’m thinking of doing 1 day on, 1 day off for right now. Maybe I can get to 2/2. Whenever things start to tank, I get a bad headache. It happened a few days ago at the very beginning of that flare. That’s my red flag that I need to look out for. As soon as I get a headache, I skip the next 4 or 5 doses. If I catch it in time, then I can recover. You’re supposed to cycle with this protocol. It’s supposed to happen on its own, and it should be tolerable. It’s not for me, so I’ll try to manually cycle by going on/off the medication. It’s risky and very tricky to get right, but it’s my only shot.