Not a bad day today, really. OK sleep, low fibro. Spine pain is bad, but mostly manageable. This is about where things start to go to shit. I’ve just kind of been sitting here most of the day waiting for the shit to hit the fan. I don’t dare push myself hard to do anything. I won’t start a project. I won’t get a ton of exercise. Some of those things might flare me up. The others will just get dumped by the wayside when the next flare up hits. It should be hitting any time now. I’ve had like 3-1/2 days now without a flare. I passed out the day before my first decent day. This really sucks just waiting for a flare up. I know it will happen. I know it will be horrifying. I just don’t know exactly when it will hit. It’s so traumatizing to live like this. I don’t want to go back to the madness, but it’s just sitting right there, like 2 feet away from me. Taunting me. Knowing it will always win. It will always come back. I’ve burned so much energy trying to progress during these decent periods, but it always goes to waste. I’m tired. I’m burned out. I need so many decent days just to recover. It’s no way to live.
I got in a couple walks today while I could. I don’t get the opportunity to get cardio type exercise. My walks are more for anxiety than for conditioning. I hurt my left knee back in September on the exercise bike and it’s still bothering me. It does OK walking with a brace on, but I can’t seem to spend any time on the bike. It would be quite nice to be able to use it right now with the cold weather, but I don’t really mind walking in the cold. It gets difficult with a lot of snow on the ground, especially when it turns to ice. And there’s plenty of lazy fucks around here who don’t shovel the sidewalks, so it can be quite dangerous for me. I thought the knee would have sorted itself out by now. I’m kind of surprised it hasn’t. I’ve had issues before and they have always resolved on their own. I’m getting too old now I guess. The fibromyalgia seems to prevent healing. I have cuts on my skin that are a year old and not fully healed. That’s one of the symptoms you won’t find on WebMD. There are about 20 symptoms missing from the big websites.