Sleep was terrible, as expected. Pain was so bad last night. I put on some magnesium oil and it helped a bit, but sleep is always a battle. So hard to get through the nights. I always wake up exhausted. You’re supposed to be refreshed. Pain was a little better first thing, but it only took an hour for it to come back full force. I’m having a lot of trouble controlling it lately. The ice packs have left more welts on my back again. I don’t know how that one happened. I thought I fixed that problem. The ones that formed are now getting bigger. Last time they erupted through the skin and gave me massive issues. Very painful. It took 2 months to get to a point where it’s just scarred and not scabbed. They can’t do procedures or surgeries if you have open wounds on the skin, so this needs to be sorted. It’s always something. Despite my best efforts, it’s happening again. I am struggling so hard for so many reasons.
The flare up I’m currently in started early yesterday. It feels the same as yesterday evening, which is to say is somewhat on the mild side, but the longer these go on, the greater cumulative effect they have. Carrying that weight on your shoulders might not be difficult for a day, but when it stretches out to several days, or a week, or whatever, you get tired and exhausted from carrying the burden. I never get enough good days in a row behind me to be able to handle any of these flare ups. It’s usually only 2 or 3 decent days, which are really only recovery days from the last flare. There are never any progress days or actual good days that I can use to build up a tolerance. I’m always in a deficit. No such thing as a surplus of mental energy. When you live on a razor’s edge, it only takes 1mm of movement to push you over the edge. Even the mildest of flares can cause it. I haven’t made any progress in those 3 or 4 decent days I just had, so this flare hurts quite a bit, even though I’ve had much worse.
The fibro fog is here now. There is often a delay with it. Other symptoms start up first, but once the fog hits, then I know for sure I’m in a flare. It’s hard to tell sometimes if a flare is starting without the fog being present. I don’t think I’ve had a flare in the last 2 years without the fog. I feel that burning feeling in my head. I feel crazy. Loss of sanity. So far it’s not horrible. Still debilitating, but not up to horrifying levels. Unfortunately I haven’t made any forward progress during the decent days, so all I can hope for now is a shorter, easier flare. I don’t have any momentum to carry through.
I went out for a sanity walk and I instantly regret it. That put me into so much pain. All over. both my knees, my right Achilles, my hips, my spine. Holy shit. I wanted to put on an ice pack as soon as I got home, but then I realized I already had one on. Ibuprofen, tylenol, ice pack. That’s all I can do. I might take a muscle relaxant actually. It will probably put me to sleep and it’s too late for that, but I’m afraid I totally fucked myself. All I wanted to do was burn off some anxiety, and I ended up fucking myself. I need relief so badly. Any kind will do. Psych, pain, fibro. Whatever. Just a few days of actual relief.
The guaifenesin is doing its nasty thing again. It has been building for a while. It’s getting to that unbearable point. Really heavy in my head now. Spacey from it, but also loads of fibro pain. I’m close to panicking. I feel like I need to stop taking it right now. I could ramp it up a little bit like the folks in the forum suggested. I already went from 600/day to 1200/day. It felt slightly better this time around. I made it 6 days this time. With 600/day I only made it like 3 days. Do I increase the dose again to 1800/day? Or do I do what my brain is telling me and stop taking it right now? I’m flying blind on this. It’s a fucking miracle internet cure, so I really don’t know why I’m even trying at all anymore. I really want to give it a good try. I have no other options. It started tanking before I took the evening dose, so that would point to increasing.
OK, I’ll give the 900 a try. I’m desperate. If I still feel horrible tomorrow morning, then I’ll have to stop. I don’t think this will work, but why not. Tomorrow could be a super desperate day. Oh how I hate knowing my future. Miracle cure isn’t working, ice packs aren’t helping anymore. I don’t have anywhere to go with my fibromyalgia and pain management. This is a different claustrophobic feeling. The walls of pain and psychosis are closing in on me. Scary stuff.