Took 6.5g this morning. 4g at noon. My back is on fire. 10/10. I slept pretty well last night. Thank goodness for that. Pain was really bad this morning. I’m so close to the edge of my mind breaking that I can’t afford to fuck around. Going to Maywood and back like that was straight up horrifying. I somehow made up my mind while I was sleeping to take the meds. I need the pain relief. This pain is too severe. 6.5g at 3:45. Felt nothing. Took 1g more. Didn’t really ever feel it hit me hard, but I felt better anyway. A while later I think I feel the serotonin effects. Too bad I can’t make ketamine work. That’s pure serotonin, but it’s not working this time like it did before. Amazing how that can actually help. That day off made me appreciative of having pain relief. The pain was so bad. Having any kind of relief is a godsend. I should probably take a day off once a week or something. It’s just so fucking difficult to do. I felt so crappy for a solid 10 hours. It was bad. Spent most of the evening playing D2, watching Twitch at the same time. I got unlimited internet now. I feel like I can breathe again. And playing games while watching games is an old time favorite of mine. Maybe watching Blade Runner at the same time or something. Even though I can’t keep up with the film. It’s good fun for me. The kratom has given me that tonight. All be it with an ice pack. I can’t sit without it. I wish I could sit and learn Tarkov. I have the time. Although if I could sit and learn Tarkov, I could sit and work a job. I know this will be gone tomorrow, so I’m glad I enjoyed it. Tolerance breaks are a good thing. I can’t tolerate a proper break, but I guess a day here and there is good. Maybe I can try to skip one dose a day.