Kept waking up. Took Zanaflex at 6 or something. Thankfully slept until 8:45. I needed that. Definitely normal pain in the morning once I got up. Took 5.5g at 10am. I felt wrecked until I got in the shower. Went to Best Buy for something. Stood in line at Walgreens and my face was all screwed up. Sat in the car and thought pain was OK. I don’t know what it is. I feel pretty decent right now, but I can feel the pain brewing and waiting. Maybe the kratom is just doing its thing properly. Maybe I’ll feel better enough to skip the pm dose. Going to try some games. Just past 4:00 and haven’t thought about kratom. Back hurts. Ice pack on it now. Been feeling better as the day has gone on. That’s good news. I needed it after getting my bell rung Friday. Now to finish out the day without drugs…I might have a few drinks tonight. Had a short walk earlier. Legs still hurt, but it was a brisk walk. Weather is good (for Chicago). Kratom wearing off at almost 5:00. Pain is ramping up, even with ice. 5:20 and we are rapidly approaching crisis mode. I fully regret not taking the pm dose. I think this is good enough for me to say the injections were a failure. Anxiety is ramping up. Amazing how it can swing like this. I need to get an appointment at a proper pain management center. I found a couple through the Intracept thing. No clue if they take my shitty insurance or not. There is no end in sight for this nightmare. I see so many other people out there living their lives. Doing their thing. I’ve had glimpses of normality here and there, but in the end, it always goes back to shit. Everything always ends up shit for me. The pain always controls everything and does what it wants. I don’t get to live my life or do my thing because of this fucking pain. I am so fucking sick of it. Doctors don’t give a fuck. They don’t take it seriously. Imagine that dickhead saying an 8 week follow up for a fucking injection! They don’t respect a patient’s time or pain. And by time I mean every second is torture and agony and we don’t have much of it to give. We are marching toward death at every second, and that death will probably come at our own hands – whether it’s from bankruptcy, heart disease from bad diet, accidental drug overdose, purposeful drug overdose, other suicide. There isn’t any time or money to be fucking around like this. And I’m the one that pays for it, over and over. Give me a fucking break, somehow. Anything to break this pain and let me live my fucking life like everyone else gets to. I don’t get to contribute, have fun, experience love, friendship. I get anxiety, panic, depression, insomnia, disappointment. Until I die early. Fuck me. And I’m STILL on drugs. Took a short walk from that rage. Got back and I just feel wrecked emotionally. Much more than normal. Trying to play games to get by. Back hurts way too much when sitting. It’s just so absurd. 3 beers made me feel better and worse at the same time.