This is the first day I’m typing in the quitting doc. The other days were typed into the usage doc and copied. Last night was better than a couple nights ago. I took a gabapentin before bed. Fell asleep fast. Woke up after an hour with mild proper WDs. Took 2 GABA and fell asleep for another hour. Woke up with more mild proper WDs and a couple mild jerks. Took 2 more GABA and a second gabapentin. Couldn’t get back to sleep for a while. Took whole Zanaflex. Woke up at 7. I feel hungover from all the drugs from the night (not from the beers, thankfully). I had some wild emotion last night. I felt peace. I don’t know how, but I was so grateful for it. I felt creative, I felt good. I felt my heart again. I looked on eBay. for acrylic paint sets. Thought of painting one for a friend. My back feels OK so far. I did the table and it was kind of intense in the upper lumbar area. Put some icy hot on. Had some coffee. That evened me out a bit. I have some energy. No physical WDs so far. I feel optimistic. A tiny bit of happiness. A tiny bit of hope? Not sure about that yet. I need to take that steroid pack. Hmmm. Today feels like day 4 or 5 from my first quit. I doubt the night issues are over, but I feel like the stronger stuff should be past. I’ll probably take a gabapentin, but I feel like I won’t need it. Probably still need the GABA. I have music in my head and I’ve been listening to it too. It’s horrifying how shut off I was to music. I could barely listen to anything. And it’s amazing how I can feel it and enjoy it right now. Pants on by 9:30. Starting to feel sweaty hands. Put antiperspirant on proactively. Still feeling some temperature issues. Short walk. Pretty slow. Really hurts the SI joints. Warm out already. Big change at about 11. Feeling super tired, strong pain. Some kind of WD feeling. Kind of like the night time stuff, but much more mild. Just took full Zanaflex. I need some sleep. If that doesn’t help, I might try a gabapentin. I think all the stuff I took overnight wore off and that’s why I feel like this now and why I felt so good this morning. Fell asleep like 20 minutes into it, but only for a few minutes. At the one hour mark, I just feel tired, but can’t sleep. Just took a gabapentin at 1:07. Was ready to pass out eating lunch. Jumped in bed at 1:30. Left the dishes. Passed out pretty fast. Woke up at 3. 4:30 and still feeling crappy. No desire to leave the apartment, but I don’t want to be inside here all day. I need to go for groceries soon. Went to store for seltzers. It was difficult. I know I’m going through withdrawals still and this isn’t over, but if I don’t get some sort of pain relief, this will fail. I am pushing through as hard as I can, but I can’t maintain this. It feels like my first quit. I remember laying on the couch for a week in agony when I finally cracked. It will happen again. I’ll try corydalis first. I can’t do ketamine for 6 weeks. On that clock, this is actually day 2. I still might take something tomorrow if I feel shitty. I have strong pain, and very mild WDs. Still feel exhausted. Barely putzing along today. Day is dragging on. I don’t feel like I could manage a walk. Beers soon. Beers at 7. Maybe I need to realize this is only like day 2 or 3 and I need to push through a few more days first. 8:00 and pain is critical. 5 total.