Woke up 8:30. Thank fuck for that. 5.5g at 9:25. Pain is terrible. I was completely frozen on the couch. Couldn’t move until about 11:15. All that shit yesterday about keeping moving. It doesn’t mean shit when I can’t move from pain being so fucking bad. Still, I’m so fucking sick of being a goddamn prisoner to this. Meds didn’t really help the pain. I guess it’s over an 8 then. I still feel somewhat decent, I guess since I’ve had a few days of relief from the 9s and 10s. This feel like my recovery day a couple days ago. I overdid it then, but not this time. Although the last walk put me over the edge. But I didn’t do much yesterday at all. The cycle repeats, and I have no idea how to break out of it. Just like my dissociative experiences with ketamine. The thing that scares me most about that drug – because it’s my life right now. 3 dose day? 2:15. I am barely surviving/existing. If I didn’t have a few good days behind me, I would be on the floor right now. I was gasping from pain earlier when moving around/showering. That didn’t happen until 1. I can’t find the words to describe it. Bad, but just what shade of bad? Maybe 7g later. 6.5g at 3:15. Feels strong and yucky in the head. Some pain relief. Two decent pops at different times on the table today. I wanted to re-dose, but my head is yucky, so I won’t. I have the feeling it will be a tough evening. Long walk. Don’t know how I did that, because I’m in a shitload of pain right now. Spasmy. Played TAB. Kind of lost my mind in the middle of it, and that was kind of a good thing. I feel like I can’t move from my chair. Probably the sort of thing that makes me “overdo” it. Sitting upright. At least I did something I actually wanted to do, rather than being imprisoned on the couch.