Hard wake ups multiple times in the night. So much pain all through the body. Half Zanaflex I think at 4:30. Took about an hour to fall asleep and slept for 1 hour. Took a Tamazepam. at 6:30. Ended up waking up at 10:30. Thank fuck for that. I have no clue what is wrong with my sleep. This isn’t normal with kratom. I always sleep better. 6.5g at 10:30. Oh god, the horror. This is probably the worst I’ve been in a long time. I went from a great taper before my birthday, then an ‘almost’ quit, to now being completely stun locked from the horror. This feels like a year ago when I partly lost my mind. Is it the weather? 7.5g at 3:25. I can’t even fake being OK this has been so bad. Thank goodness I was able to sleep to 10:30 today. I would be struggling a lot harder now otherwise. Tried for a shower twice and failed. This feels like the first time I quit. I was at my worst then. I went to the weed shop with my cane and was struggling super hard. So hard to even take a day off when you’re at your worst. I just want to get two good days in a row. I am so demolished. Maybe if I sleep OK. tonight, and the next night, then Tuesday could be a day off. Procedure Thursday, so that will be hard. 3pm also, so right at dose time. Going to have to take drugs in the bathroom I guess. I feel like I might as well have had the day off since the kratom has done fuck all for me. No response right now. Going to take +1g at 4:05. Not much help, though I did drag my ass into the shower. Seriously…what’s the point of taking the drugs if they don’t help? I think this is the exact point I was at back in February, and that’s one reason I quit. Also to see if the drugs were holding me back. I know that part is not the case. Maybe tomorrow off. I’m also almost out of this green Vietnam, so I could start the next bag fresh after a day off and get the dose set right. New stuff is a bit weaker, so dose will change a bit. Had some depression hit me earlier. Long walk. How? No fucking clue. Been sitting here playing games. I feel almost normal. Back is very sore. SI joints are very sore. How does it switch like that? What will tomorrow bring? I guess if I feel completely fucked tomorrow, then I might as well skip kratom. Although I stuck with it today, even took extra, and it turned out OK. in the end. I think.