Sleep was good. Best in a while. Woke up 8:30. Managed to fuck off in bed for another hour. Straight into the shower. Pain is good, but feels like WDs a bit. I feel off from that. 3 doses yesterday, so it makes sense. 6g at 9:40. Kratom eased the WD feeling, but pain remains. There is no perfect balance with this stuff. I guess it still eases the burden a bit. Gives some energy to combat it. 6.5g at 3:30. Did some cleaning. Not much, but I feel beat from it. Overdid it, no doubt. Cleaning a floor is a bridge too far for my back/brain. Been a decent evening so far. I’m just moving forward piss and vinegar style, but not in an aggro way. Pulled a muscle in my mid back cleaning. 25 minutes on the bike. My legs were hurting a bit today from yesterday. Just did a short walk. I felt like I could do a medium, but want to be careful. Had some time today where I desperately wanted to change things. Like go v-word type of change things. I’m so unhappy with who/what I am. I’m killing myself with bad food, being sedentary. I want so badly to take control of it and get to some semblance of normal. I’ve said this so many times over the last year, then the pain comes back and kicks me in the nuts. Fucking sucks so bad. Imagine what I could do and what I could be without this burden. Right now I feel like if I had the chance, I would run with it. I don’t think I’ve felt like that in a while. Some sort of positivity that I haven’t had in a long time. Eating vegetables every day has been nice. Feels good. That’s the start. Feels good to be healthy or even just acting like it. This doesn’t feel like the sort of pain relief I’ve had before. It’s relief, but different. I don’t know if this is the injection working. I feel like that would feel like pain relief. Not what I have now. I don’t know what this is. I’ll take it though.

By Del