Woke up just before 8. I feel less groggy this morning. Pain is just about horrifying. 5g at 9:45. I’m paying for yesterday – whether it was the trip to Wheaton or the bike. I have a feeling the Lyrica is helping and hurting. I’m going to skip this morning and reevaluate this evening. I think it helps pain, but kills energy. Maybe I can get used to the energy loss. Always between a rock and a hard place. Walked to the bank and back. I think the pain is worse without the Lyrica. I don’t feel paralyzed from exhaustion right now, but I do feel paralyzed from pain. Which is better? Took Lyrica at 11:15. I choose exhaustion over pain atm. Pain got better. I got tired and hungry. 5.5g at 2:50. Pain is fucking me up. I want 6g. Let’s see if the Lyrica stabilizes things. 50 minutes on the bike, level 5, low intensity. Rain walk later. Feeling fairly normal at 6:30. It has to be the Lyrica. Now I need to get used to the tiredness in the morning, and get off kratom, and not overeat, all at the same time. God I need more drugs. This night is getting really fucking hard. Feels like a typical Christmas, really, but I haven’t even thought about it once today. Already took the lights down actually. Don’t care. So fucking irritable today. No walk. Heavy rain, also can’t be bothered. I feel like my progress is derailed. Or at a total standstill. I need another 10am wake up tomorrow. On the struggle bus hard right now. Already thinking 5.5 or 6 tomorrow morning.