Hard wake up at 5. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Half zanny and ibu. Woke up 8:15. 5g at 9:45. Suffering a bit ATM. Medium walk. Felt better with the meds. 1:00 and the pain is pretty strong. Suffering more. Long slog to 3:30. Probably because I woke up early. 6g at 3:00. Been struggling hard. Right back to where I was a couple days ago. I don’t think I have any good days. I think I just get serotonin boosts occasionally. The pain is always there, and always has been. I just get some ability to deal with it better. Seems like anti-depressants should work, but they cause more problems for me than they solve. How do I keep the serotonin (or whatever the fuck it is) high? Figure that out and become a millionaire and help loads of people. For now, I go back into hiding. My diet instantly changed. I’m sure I don’t have a diet problem. I don’t have a drug problem. I don’t have a sleep problem. It’s all a pain problem. I can’t do anything with this pain. It ravages me in so many fucking ways, it’s absurd. Can’t eat right, can’t sleep, can’t exercise, can’t be social. Everything that makes me human is taken away by this pain. And nobody gives a fuck and nobody will help. 8:00, rum. Tomorrow is going to be wonderful. Dear god. Help. 4 maybe 5. No doubt I’ll be fucked for it. I’ll probably wake up at 7. I will dose right away. If not, I’m going to do 6g. I want to take more to see if it helps. For science. Not 5.5.