Wow. I had a feeling this would happen. Woke up at 4. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Double half plus ibu. Nothing. Moved to couch. Nothing. Finally fell asleep on couch for an hour. Holy shit, this is bad. Just took 6.5g at 9:10. So much for tapering. So much for back on track. That was the longest streak I’ve had. 3 days? Not even 3. Back to hell. Forced lunch and I was sorry I did. Hit a 9 while waiting. Drugged myself to sleep. Took the edge off the 9, but somehow the pain feels worse. Oh god, how. This would probably be a good drinking day since I don’t expect the drugs to help much. But I just can’t stand that stuff. 7.5 at 3:15. Been doing better after that. Just got a pop on the table. Thank fuck for that. I remember that causing a total change in me mentally and physically within a couple hours in the past. Just doesn’t seem to be happening anymore. Been better since the pm dose. Feeling depression. Rough day. I want to game, but don’t know if I can. Don’t know what to play. I miss the old D2 days. I did manage to do 3 strikes. My old litmus test was if I could play D2 for hours, or if I could get good at the game again. That’s loooong gone. It distracted me from the depression for a bit. Just before 10 now and I notice the pain is pretty horrifying. Going to be super hard to sleep. Probably another night like last night. I had a nice reprieve this evening for a few hours. Nothing great, but at least less than horrifying.

By Del