Had about 5 rums in the end. I was out of it. Just a bit of a headache this morning. Fully zanny at 5. Wake up at 9 from a phone call confirming my psych appt tomorrow. I have to go to Englewood for it. Going to be brutal. Just took 7g of green mahakam at 9:40. Feeling nauseous. Got out of the shower and I’m super overheated. It’s probably a reaction with the alcohol. I actually have been lucky the last several times I’ve done this. 8g at 3:30. Head still hurts a lot. This has turned into ‘just a bit of a headache’ to a nasty all day hangover. I’ve been skirting that line for a while now with drinking, so I can’t say this is unexpected. I didn’t have a huge amount last night, but it doesn’t take much combined with the kratom and low tolerance. PM dose hasn’t done much of anything for me, although I don’t feel super awful today. Short walk. Roused up some piss and vinegar. I think that’s ultimately what I need. But I burned it all in December and I need to regenerate it. I also need like a week to seal up the cracks a bit in my mental health. Even as I sit here and say that, the pain is ramping up and making me nuts. I want to pass out or use a drug that will help. But nothing has been helping. And I’m totally empty. I watch TV and see all these people doing completely normal things. Driving, eating in a restaurant, working. I can’t do any of those. Not only that, I can’t even sit upright. I can’t get through the day without feeling the horror of this pain and what it does to me. And there is no help in sight.