Couldn’t get to sleep last night. Took extra half zanny and a GABA. Depression and anxiety were super strong. I chalked that up to the hangover. Half zanny at 7. Woke up 8:20. This routine is terrible. Pain feels better today. Just took 7g at 945. No clue if I need 7.5 or not. Today is psych appt. 50 min drive each way. This is going to suck so fucking bad. Although I do truly need help. Been a decent day actually. I’m right on the edge though. Like it could go either way at any time. I’m not pushing at all because I have this appt. I probably would play some games. I’m sure this will drop off hard right in the middle of the appt. I think I’ll bring kratom with me. I’ll probably get out at 3:30 or so. 8g at 3:30. In the car on the way home. Back is feeling decent, despite that shit show.
That chick actually suggested my house might be haunted! That’s the health care I get. I need to use that as fuel to fight back hard. So I don’t have to go there anymore. Sitting here right now hurts a ton. I want to play some games. Maybe when the kratom kicks in. She gave me an anti-psychotic. Don’t know if I can take it. Don’t know if there are refills. No return appt. I need to keep this treatment going. Feeling surprisingly well for having done that long trek. Felt so good to eat a good dinner. Pain is strong, but kratom is doing its job. All the drugs can do is keep me under an 8. They can’t fix the pain. The effect doesn’t last, then the cycle repeats. I felt like the dose today was a touch too high. 7:00 now and I feel tired and maybe like it’s flaming out. I would like to do 6.5/7.5 tomorrow if possible. Still taking it easy today. Short walk. Not too bad. Kind of wanted a medium. If only I can get more than 1 day in a row.