Sleep was better. Had 2 wake ups where I would have taken zanny, but didn’t. Woke up 8:30 and stayed in bed. 6.5g at 9:45. Let’s see if this works. I don’t want the half day to be for nothing, though it probably already is. Pain is very bad. I need some relief so badly. Kratom helped up until noon. Pain coming back strong. This is my life. Struggling between drug doses. I was able to eat and shower. Now I go back horizontal and close my eyes and count the minutes until 3:30. 7.5g of the secret weapon: brand new sample of green Vietnam. Those samples seem to be fresher. 3:25. Please please please work. No pain relief at 45 minutes. How the fuck do I get through this? I can’t take days off or even half days. I can’t get by with the drugs. I can’t get by with the max amount. How do I raise the max? 3 strong doses a day? I don’t know what I can do. Church walk. 5:45, feeling a little nausea, sleepy, kind of yucky. Side effects. This is part of the problem with taking high doses. Where do I go from here? 15g in one dose? Been using mag oil today. I think I had some OK. days while using it, and I haven’t been. I also want to spend more time on the table rather than just 20 seconds and getting a pop and getting off. Rum will happen tonight. I’m barely hanging on. 7:20. Fuck.