Sleep wasn’t bad actually, but I woke up feeling the horror a few times. Woke up finally at 8:20. Felt very mild WDs. Pain is very bad. 6g maeng da at 8:45. I need to stick with the table. These days make me forget about it or not do it. I need to keep at it. Drugged myself to sleep for a while. No help. Woke up 1:45. Too early. Still dying. Just did the table and it nearly ruined me. Fuck that hurt. Now I know why I don’t do it when I’m in pain and why these ‘episodes’ get worse. I don’t know why I tipped into it this time. I guess I never really was out of it. 7g at 2:40. I couldn’t wait. I’ve been screaming from pain all day. I’ve had it. I don’t know what will happen this evening. I suspect it will drop off and I’ll be fucked. Finally got a shower. Sitting with ice pack. Breathing sighs of relief. It’s actually giving me pain relief. Whenever I get real pain relief, I know the pain is real. It tells me how bad the pain has been based on how I get relief. This happens with ice sometimes. The ice will fade and so will the relief. I’ve still been over the limit since last night, so it won’t bring me back right away. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to get back on the table, but I did that. Then mag oil. Hurts a lot. I couldn’t get much time. I need to stick with it any which way though. Slight reprieve for a couple hours, but I feel the worst of the day is yet to come. Yep. 7:00 and I am crashing. Trying ice again. I’m trying not to completely self destruct, but this has been a super fucking hard day. Wanted to go to the liquor store for rum, but didn’t. I have loads of garbage here. And I don’t want any of it. I need to stop holding my breath and stop seeing stars.